Toddler Not Following Orders? Try This

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As a parent, it can be frustrating if your toddler is constantly defying your orders. It’s not that you’re a bossy parent, but at some point they need to do what they’re told, otherwise life simply cannot go on.

What can you do if your toddler isn’t following orders? The good news is that clinical psychologists and paediatricians have plenty of tactics that you can leverage. Deploying these effectively in your home will create a more peaceful environment and will ultimately help your child develop better.

So what should you be doing?

Offer choices instead of commands

It sounds kind of strange, but the best way to get compliance from a toddler is to offer them choices instead of giving them commands. Think about how you feel if someone gives you a command, perhaps your boss at work or maybe even your partner. Usually you’ll feel a little bit of resistance.

Now think about what this is like for a toddler who can’t think more than two minutes into the future. It’s exasperating because they want to do one thing and you want them to do something else. The best way to get around this is to create the illusion of choice. Giving them a choice between two outcomes that you would prefer is often better than telling them the one thing that you’d really like them to do.

For example, instead of saying to them, “Put your shoes on right now,” you could say, “We need to go out to the park now. Do you want to wear your Wellington boots or do you want to wear your blue shoes?”

Can you see the difference?

Make it a game

Another tactic that many parents have found helpful is to turn every interaction into a sort of game. For example, if there’s a lot of mess on the floor, don’t say, “Clear up your mess immediately, or you’ll go straight to your room.” Instead, say something like, “I bet I can pick up these crayons faster than you.” 

What you’ll notice is that they’ll immediately spring into action because there’s a fun element in the chore. They want to prove that they have the ability to pick up crayons just as fast as their big adult parents.

You can do the same thing when it comes to things like brushing their teeth. Instead of saying, “You must brush your teeth now, otherwise you won’t get any dinner,” you can say something like, “I bet you can brush your teeth in less than 30 seconds tonight if you use this new special toothpaste that I bought you.”

Again, the difference in reactions can be stark. As long as you can get kids excited about the activity, they’ll almost always want to get involved.

Keep instructions short and actionable

If you are going to give instructions, make sure you keep them short and actionable. Don’t try to confuse your child or weave your own emotions into them. For example, don’t say something like:

• Brush your teeth.
• Grab your jacket.
• Go upstairs.
• Come downstairs and bring your book with you.

That’s just going to confuse them, and half of it is going to be missed in the noise.

Instead, say something like: “Put the toy truck in the box.” That’s simple, isn’t it?

Also, if you’re having an issue with your toddler climbing out of crib sides at night, say something like, “stay in your crib at night or call mommy.” Something as simple as this can make an enormous difference.

Use when/then statements

If you are a parent and you are not using when/then statements, you are missing out on a real trick. What’s nice about these statements is that they create a non-negotiable boundary, which tells the child what must happen by when.

We all know toddlers who will appear to listen to instructions but then take a liberal view on when they should carry them out. Sometimes clever ones will say to their parents, “Oh, but Mummy, you didn’t tell me when you wanted me to do it,” when you complain that they haven’t done it. The good news is that when/then statements always work.

For example, you can walk over to them, gently touch their shoulder, and then deliver the instruction, and then say something like, “When your blocks are back in the basket, then we can go to the park.” What’s nice about this approach is that it tells a child exactly what’s going to happen and then provides them with a reward for their compliance. For example, they might really want to go to the park or order pizza or something like that.

Get on their level

Getting on their level, physically and literally, is another great way to interact with toddlers. When you’re giving them commands from on high, it can feel a little abstract for them, and they don’t always connect emotionally with what you’re saying. If you’re shouting at them from across the kitchen while they’re engaged in play in another room, that usually doesn’t work.

You really need to get close to them so that they can dedicate their full attention to you. Start by walking over to them, crouching down, and getting on eye level with them. Wait until they look at you before you deliver any instructions. Making sure they commit to eye contact is the best way to ensure that they’re concentrating on what you’re saying.

Final conclusions

Being a parent in 2026, when there are so many distractions, is difficult. You often feel like you have a responsibility to ensure that your child is constantly focusing on educational and purposeful activities. Therefore, as a parent, it can be difficult to know exactly what to do. Fortunately, there are plenty of options, as we’ve seen in this guide. Many of them are psychological tricks that you can use to convince your child to be more cooperative and ultimately help them support you. 

Which of these tactics will you use?